i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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