My brain says no but my pants say off.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
