I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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