Joe is yelling at the trees again.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
