I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
