I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
