The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize