Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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