Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
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