we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
