I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
