its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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