Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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