What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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