take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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