you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
