She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
It's no shave November. This is our time.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
