she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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