I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
