Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
