Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
