I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
