She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
