He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
You need a sexual gate keeper
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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