ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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