There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
