that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
40s are totally the cure
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
