Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
