you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
