I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Randomize
