I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
