I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
