i barfeds in our rink
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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