My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I need to sanitize my soul.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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