your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
