just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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