I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
