Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I just want nice things and good sex
40s are totally the cure
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
