I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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