yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize