If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
