If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Randomize
