So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
