matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
