I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
