evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
