ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
COCAINE IS GR8
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
