so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
