Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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