Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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