genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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