i'm lost and i look like a hooker
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
