Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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