i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
