Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
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