My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
