i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
