Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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