is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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