Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
