he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
