He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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