I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
