He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
