please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Then you guys just all showered together...?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
