a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
