We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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