I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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