you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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