so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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