Already got asked if we're dating
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
