he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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